Love.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

♥ 8:43 PM

I am in a so not very good mood now :(

Guess what? I thought the best thing I've always been to was my phone.

And very sickeningly, it got stolen by a malay man sitting beside me on 158 home today. Argh I hope this is not true I hope he picked it up and actually nicely returned it to Aljunied MRT Station and turned off the phone cos he saw that the battery was running out...

I know it is highly impossible, but I'm just trying to hang on that little hope.

Or you could say, that little white lie :(

It was the first time I wished the 158 driver would carry on driving so recklessly and quickly reach Serangoon MRT so that I could ask for help and stuff. Reported the lost to the Serangoon bus interchange, the stupid SMRT hotline was no longer available for the day... -.-"

Now I feel so lost and insecured without that pink horrible conditioned phone.

It's time to get a new phone, but truthfully I can't get the fact that all my beloved messages are inside there. Messages from _____ and many many other precious ones. I'm an F person based on the MBTI personality test ok so I can't help it either. Oh I really hope that my phone was returned to the mrt station please please please...

When I finally came home, I told my brother and sister about it. I only ate one mouth of my dinner and I couldn't eat anymore. Now I understand why extremely worried people have no appetite, for once in my life. But I hate to waste food too..

Dad came home. My instincts told me to tell him about it right away.

I know he lost his phone before. So has my bro had his stolen and is currently still at the police station and I don't know why they don't wanna return it to him when the culprit's been found. Dad talked about how we should not let technology take over our lives and we end up becoming the victim and all. Talked about how he can give me a replacement for everything but not the data inside.

I think he remembers I once told him that the only one reason holding me back from changing a phone is cos I really treasure the messages... Really really really!

Even though dad's words would have hurt me alot, but somehow it just made sense. The words were so familiar- they were those he told me on the night he brought me to get a phone. I only got one at the end of yr2 and so this is my first phone. And I treasured it alot. But anyway after listening to him, I started laughing again and I finished up my dinner. Hahaha~! :p

Even though sometimes/ most of the time I am very unhappy with my dad, but I know he has been in the army for so many years, this is the tone he will use to speak to me forever. He will not sit down beside me and caress me telling me he will try his best to find the culprit or whatever a mum would probably have said. I may not be happy with all the decisions he makes for me, maybe sometimes cos as a teenager I find it very restricting, or as a daughter I find it unreasonable, but I know he means well.

He does mean well for me, for the 3 of us children.

Because he only has us. And because we only have him.

Thank you dad. You may not know the times when your words pierced through my heart and I felt like never forgiving you, you may not know how your words actually made me stronger and more resilient to hurtful words from others, you may now know how your words actually gave me a new motivation and determination to lead my life the way my heart tells me the way it has been influenced by your words and others.

I love you dad, because you are the one there at the end of the day :)

I may not like the way you can be so negligent of the family sometimes, always going abroad and having overnight events at your army camp and all that sort. But your absence at home makes me understand the responsibilities of being big sister, your absence at home makes the 3 of us grow to be stronger and more independent and less reliant (except for certain housework la hahaha!)

And I remember Uncle John our swimming instructor used to tell all the parents of his other students about the 3 of us. How we pulled through that event in 2000 and never strayed into bad company despite being "neglected" at home most of the time. And weijia told me the same thing before. And someone. And sometimes the 3 of us do wonder, how come we never stray? Though vulgar words do come out from my siblings alot, but bad company, not quite.

Of course I still wish you would be at home more of the time. Home is a safe place for me, but it has never been a place that made me feel the warmth a typical family should have. I wish the four of us would live a happy life forever :)

I wish nothing, such as technology, would come in between our lives.

But most importantly, I still wish you would understand the limitations of how far the 3 of us kids can go in school. Like if my brother can't do chinese for nuts, just let him improve and let him forget about it when he's successfully met the requirements not to take chinese anymore, and I can't do sciences for peaNUTS too, so I wish you'd stop asking me to appeal or take tuition or whatever that may give me the hope of doing well in sciences.

Cos I don't wanna stay back any more in DHS. And I wanna do well for A-levels.

There are too many unhappy stuff and not very likeable stuff in school. Such as the way the structure of the new school is like, the policies, the whatever and whatever. Listening to Liang laoshi and Zhong laoshi rant about the school's bad points did make me feel a little insulted being a Dunmanian of course, but I really had to agree with them. For example, what nonsense dance studio is in the school now? It really is having a dance studio for the sake of having one. Hahaha and Zhong laoshi ended with the logic of a Dumb man High. Inside joke among the 3 of us :p

I feel very ok without losing the phone. But i'm feeling insecured for people who may be contacting me, especially... :) haha!

:) is another person who has a really really great influence in my life. :)'s words are always ringing in my head, whether it's a piece of advice, compliment, lecture, scolding, instruction, errand etc. :) is a person of great respect in my life, an idol haha, and a loved one. I love :) bcos :) loves to smile, just like how I censored :) into a :) Haha I'm not making sense. I just want more smiley faces to make my post a positive one. Yay :) i love you forever! :D

If I could make a wish now, I wish I could see :) and tell :) that I have just lost my phone and listen to some advice from :) and then end it all off with a hug to tell me that even though I may not get my phone back, but :) still loves me as much as I love :)

Hahaha this is such a wishful but not impossible thing. Haha and of course I still love many people in this world too, esp SHHK people! :D

Hmm ok I'll go do my homework, I hope I'll be good enough to have a miracle happen to me tml. And you know what that miracle is too right. If you actually read till here la. :)

Still, a new phone would be wonderful. But, aiya you just don't know how i feel over the messages that are hopefully still inside all probably all gone :(

Anyway I am not sad. I feel irresponsible for not taking care of my loved handphone but I wanna tell everyone that I'm still ok and I love my dad :)